Some Happy Tears and Some Sad Tears

I've been crying a lot lately. I feel like lately I've been doing nothing but crying, actually. I swear those same hormones kick in when you adopt a baby as when you actually give birth. Okay, maybe not to the extent of a post-pregers woman, but seriously I cry at the dumbest things lately. All I have to do is look down at my sweet baby and I get all teary eyed. He's just so perfect. And then I look at my beautiful girls and I just feel so blessed to have them which makes me cry some more. Then I think of the amazing husband that I have and, you got it, the waterworks come again. Also, I am amazed at how nice and good people in this world are. I have been so touched by everyone's kind words and visits. So many people have just dropped by to see me and Korver. I love it so much. And the countless meals that have been brought in and gifts that we have received. It truly touches my heart. Oh crap, there I go getting all teary eyed again. Honestly I don't know why I even put mascara on these days. Those are the happy tears.

Sunday, September 5th, 2008 my sweet Grandma Gwen passed away. It's my dad's mom. She has been in a rest home for a little while now. At first she was down in St. George where her and her husband lived. We recently moved her up here where there were more people to visit and take care of her. She was getting better and stronger and she looked so much better than what she had been. Last week my mom called me and told me that Grandma had been taken over to the hospital and was in ICU. She had a blockage in her intestine and was not doing well. Things went from bad to worse and the decision was made to let nature take its course. A few hours later, she passed away. Here are when the sad tears come. For selfish reasons I want her back.

I've been thinking a lot about my sweet Grandma and how she lived her life. She was an amazing woman. She was always so happy and I never really heard her complain about anything. Even when she was at her sickest, she still kept her chin up. I don't think I ever heard her say an unkind word about anyone. She was always so excited to see us and loved when we would come to visit. Grandma served 2 missions with her husband and also served as a temple worker in St. George; she was so devoted to it. When we would go to visit her as little kids, she would sit and tell us about her kids growing up. She raised 6 boys and 1 girl and lets just say it wasn't always easy. My dad and his siblings gave their mom a run for her money. It was fun to hear her laugh about things I'm sure she didn't laugh about as they were happening. Every time we would leave her house, she would send us home with something. It was usually an old broken toy from years ago. But we loved our treasures. One time she sent my brother, Cody, home with my dad's old electric football game. Cody and my dad played with that thing until it didn't work anymore.

Abbi, Hallie and I went to see Grandma Gwen at the rest home a few weeks ago. We thought it would be fun to paint her fingernails and her toenails. I had tons of colors for her to choose from. Lots of light pinks and peaches. But Grandma chose bright, fire engine red. I thought that was the cutest thing ever. So we painted her fingers and her toes. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. It was so fun to spend time with her as she sat in her wheelchair and we chatted about life. Needless to say, her fingers and toes looked beautiful.

I am so thankful that I will be able to see her again. That it's not goodbye forever, it's just for a little while. I can't imagine believing that this is the end. It would make life so much harder. So yes, for selfish reasons, I want her back. Just to say I love her one more time or to kiss her cheek and give her a big hug. But I know she's happy now and free from pain and that brings me peace. This makes me cry happy tears.

I love you Grandma, and I'll see you in a little while.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo